By Donna M. Bergman

TBD

Sometimes the most important gifts we inherit are not visible until we recognize them in ourselves. A reflection on fathers, gratitude, and the influence that shapes us long before we understand it.

If you asked me what I inherited from my father, I would have struggled to answer. For years, I thought the answer was very little.

It was not that I believed Dad had not given me anything or enough. It was simply that I was measuring his gifts in a way that caused me to almost miss that things that mattered just as much and in many cases – mattered even more.

I was Daddy’s girl growing up. But there was also absence. With five sons, Dad spent much of his free time teaching my brothers to become the men they are today. I loved him deeply, yet I often felt I was waiting for time and attention that went elsewhere.

I always wanted more time with him and was jealous of the time he spent with them.

Then one day, as I walked through the home he shared with Mom, Dad pointed to a plaque on the wall recognizing a patent he had earned. I had passed it many times and heard the story before. But on that day, I saw more than the plaque. I saw something in him. And, for the first time, I saw something of him in me.

My focus for far too long was on what I did not get from him. And – I nearly missed everything I did get.

The Real Insight

We often look for inheritances in all the obvious places. We look for traditions, memories, hobbies and the like. We look for times we spent together.

Sometimes what we inherit is not in the obvious places.

The plaque on the wall represented more than an accomplishment. It revealed Dad’s curiosity, his willingness to challenge accepted assumptions, and his instinct to imagine that something could work better.

Sometimes what we inherit is how someone thinks.

I’ve spent much of my career asking questions:

Why do we do it this way?

What if there is a better way?

What assumptions are we carrying that no longer serve us?

This is curiosity.

This is innovation.

This is creativity.

This is Dad.

For years, I genuinely did not understand the gifts I received from Dad. They were not hidden. They had become so much a part of me that I could no longer see where they began.

Recognition came first. Then gratitude. Seeing Dad’s gifts changed how I thought about him; gratitude changed how I felt about him.

The Gifts We Carry

As leaders, we are quick to recognize the visible markers of contribution: who was promoted, who presented the idea, and who received the credit.

We are less likely to recognize the people who shaped our thinking, challenged our assumptions, influenced our approach, and quietly made us better.

Some of the most important influences in our lives become invisible precisely because they have become part of how we think.

We stop recognizing them as gifts because we experience them simply as ourselves.

The lesson isn't simply to be grateful.

The lesson is that recognition makes gratitude possible.

The Gift We Give Back

The lesson is to look closely enough to recognize the gifts we carry, and, whenever possible, to name them while the people who gave them are still here.

Recognition makes gratitude possible.

Speaking it aloud makes gratitude a gift in return.

Helping People See What Is Possible.